Thursday, December 1, 2011

Decision to become a mother

Being a Mom was always something I wanted to be, however, it was the furthest thing from my mind at this point in my life. I love being able to sleep till 1, spend frivously, blink and decide I'm going on some random vacation, party & drink till I'm belligerent etc. The thought of being responsible for a life other than my own is probably one of the scariest and most intimidating thoughts one will ever have, and although 9 out of 10 of my friends have kids, it was never something I envied. I envied their Gucci and Louis bags more lol.

Anywhooo, sometime in late september I started feeling really tired all the time and thought I was dying from some mystery ailment or something. I went to the Dr. and lo and behold I learned I was pregnant. That had to be the scariest moment of my life. ME?? Impossible! I'm usually so careful, must me a mistake. Are you sure? Yep! Congrats!! Congrats? DO I look like I'm celebrating over here??! What about my "girls gone wild" Miami trip I have planned?They sent me for a sono & then I heard the heart beat I could not believe it, and honestly when the lady handed me the sono I almost puked. There was a weird looking blobby thing in me that would one day grow into a full sized human. Talk about SCARY!!

I was in a fog for weeks, I had all sorts of thoughts running through my head, but I decided although this wasn't planned nor was this something I particularly wanted at the moment it was time to put on my big girl panties and do what I have to do.

The following weeks were just pure torture full of nausea and vomiting. I kept saying to myself geez I haven't even met this creature yet and he/she already hates me! It was awful, even the prescription anti nausea medication didn't work. It was bad enough to make me decide after this kid, no more EVERRRRRRRRRR!!! I have now settled into the second trimester and so far I'm feeling much better and I am very happy about that. I'm not sure how I would have been able to survive 40 weeks of constant vomiting & nausea.

I can honestly say that I still have no idea what I'm getting myself in to. I have a 5 year old nephew who I adore. He is so bright, whitty, cute, charming & has brought so much joy to all of our lives, however, after being around him for more than 5 mins I'm totally over him (lol). I've never changed a diaper, screaming babies scare me and I'll be the first to admit I'm selfish. Boy am I in for a ride..... 

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